Vertical Borer Zzzz

The return of the kak.

2010-06-24T18:09:00.003Z

Blimey,two and a bit years since I last came on here :p...I've only looked because a friend of mine has started blogging,and very intelligently too I might add,not this ranting bollocks I used to put up.

I must try harder now.

I voted Tory at the last election,I've lost 2 stones in weight since I was last on here and Leeds have been promoted back into the 2nd division (it's not Really the 'championship' is it? ) after slumping dismally due to mis-management..I no longer have a season ticket and last season was the first since I was 13 that I didn't go to a game...... My kid is still swimming and doing very well and I'm now a coach ..Get me !!

Mountain bike racing is my new thing and I'm a season pass holder at Dalby Forest..Four day Hombre sadly dis-banded to reform as 'Hope and Social' which is a crap name but they still make beautiful music...Paul no longer does the Blakey music nights which is a crying shame and the chefs changed so the Sunday dinners aren't as good.

Work,home and everything else is still the same,whether that's good or bad is a matter of opinion really .

See you in 2 years..lol

Food for thought.

2008-03-20T23:18:00.002Z

Worked a few hours extra today to try and get schiess (or should that be Scheisse?) machine working......for the uninitiated these are Vertical Boring machines,which,if I may add is a lot less interesting than it sounds if that were posible....and to think I wanted to be a teacher :(

Moved into the other shift for a while and had break with them,which on Thursday nights consists of Pizza/Chinese or some such.

Two of the lads had a meal deal which consists of 2 chicken Parmesans 10" Pizza,10" Garlic bread,Large Doner Kebab,2 bags of Chips,Garlic and Chilli sauce topped off with 2 cans of full fat Coke.This they ate within 45 minutes in an heroic display of gluttony.It obviously takes dedication to achieve such voluminous size and girth,consider me suitably impressed as well as somewhat nauseated.

There is no way that we (theBritish)will not succeed in catching the United States in the Obesity league table,which they have led so confidently for so long,with such dedication coming from our boys.....I salute you H and Mo.

Little Man Tate,Middlesbrough.

2008-03-20T00:21:00.002Z

Went to see the outrageously brilliant Little Man Tate at the Arena in Boro last night.The Arena is the same building which was home to Middlesbrough Rock Garden in those heady Punk days of my youth.Certainly brought back some great memories......Undertones,Skids,Damned,UK subs etc.It's certainly changed though,no longer are there orange tables bolted to the floor with the little stage in the corner.Now the bands play upstairs and beer is £3.80 a pint compared to copious amounts + entry we got for a fiver in the days of yore.

Entertainment still top class though,first act were a local band (never caught their name) who tried but never really hit my spot (ooh err missus).Next band were theLines from Birmingham area,absolutely awesome,one of the best bands I've seen which i've never even heard of,if you get my meaning there?The Lead guitarist had a really great sound,I thought a bit of Kula Shaker and our Math went for Stone Roses but that's just cos I'm old and wise and knowledgable and he's a bit green but progressing nicely.

LMT played a great upbeat set and had me standing all self consciously wanting to get to the front and go apeshit but knowing that I was probably the oldest and certainly the baldest person there held me back........saw later on that the secret for oldies is to wear a beanie hat,knocks 10 years off you and maybe more when everyone's had a gallon !!

Next time I'm in the mosh with a Kangol on me knapper.

It's been a while.

2008-03-19T23:42:00.003Z

Just browsing and I remembered that I once had a blog (or two).Nice to look back at them and see whats changed.
Not a lot as it happens,still working at the same place,still unsatisfied with my lot but still in one piece and still taking the tablets!
I shall return far more hastily than before,though this was a promise I made 4 years ago so don't be hasty with the writ.

Hells teeth,all my old links have gone tits up...Tillymint is only allowing friends,Raised by chaffinches has changed....he was my blogging hero and tragically Nutgroist seems to have become sensible!!!

Time to find new friends and discover other random worlds.

Down,down,deeper and down.

2004-04-25T18:54:00.000Z

Leeds 1 Portsmouth 2.

Now we're really screwed,a beautiful day at Elland road but It didn't feel right ,the whole atmosphere felt wrong even before kick off,it only got worse as the morning went on.

Though Eddie Gray is a LUFC legend he is diabolical at picking a team.

I think talking about football (unless that's its theme) on a blog is uncool so I'll say no more until we're definitely down probably when we play the Birdmans pack of bastards Bolton next week.

Not all bad news though,todays match programme kindly informed us that next years season ticket prices have been frozen whether or not we stay up.........an act of kindness that brings a tear to my eye with its generosity.

So just the £378 to watch Rotherham,Reading,Crewe etc..........thats alright then........thanks Mr Krasner sir.

Ooh,How childish.

2004-04-24T11:30:00.001Z

But you just can't resist one more try at THIS

Mmmm....I'm a Malignant ringtail fucker who likes to Punish huskies.

Sounds about right .

Survey.....no shrinks thank you.

2004-04-23T18:20:00.001Z

Stolen from Tillymint who stole it from.....TBC

Abortion?:	If it would ruin 3 lives keeping the poor little mite......yes
Death Penalty?:	Most certainly,Kiddy fiddlers,Chavs etc
Prostitution?:	Not for me,though each to their own and all that.
Alcohol?:	JD and a real ale with twigs in and such
Marijuana?:	At the top of my garden looking out over the North Yorks Moors,a while ago.
Other drugs?:	No ,though I did speed once and got cold sores and couldn't piss.
Gay marriage?:	No,Arses would self-lubricate if it were the done thing.
Illegal immigrants?:	No,I'm a tradesman and would struggle to get into OZ.
Smoking?:	Stinks
Drunk driving?:	NO
Cloning?:	If you could keep memories...maybe,in fact the older I get it'd be a yes.
Racism?:	NO,In fact I was an active member of the Anti-Apartheid movement "When I were a lad".
Premarital sex?:	Oh yes,or I'd never had had any ..lol
Religion?:	I just don't know what I believe...I'd like to but you just can't can you?
The war in Iraq?:	Then:yes, Now: No
Bush?:	Brazilian.
Downloading music?:	Yes.
The legal drinking age?:	Ok at 18,now I'm well over 18.
Porn?:	Yep...Secretaries
Suicide?:	No

What is your stand on..... brought to you by BZOINK!

Two more plots please Rod.

2004-04-23T16:49:00.000Z

Two little bastards aged 15 and 17 were accused of cutting a head off a corpse and playing with it in a graveyard tomb at Edinburgh's Greyfriar's Cemetery.

The little twats aren't even going to jail for this,200 hours community service for one and a 2 years suspended sentence for the other.

What really pisses me off is that some knob will have been defending these toerags........It would be justice if next time they kicked their solicitors grannys head round the graveyard.

Bring ex gravedigger Rod Stewart out of retirement and bury the little bastards alive.

Oh Bloody Hell!!

2004-04-23T13:43:00.000Z

I've written It again haven't I......Crap. Although I am down to "sore thro*t" and "Thr*t" in the singular.....I feel that's progress.

Britney Spears
Bum Fun

That should do it.

It didn't so I've edited.....Time travel is just so easy nowadays.

Give me a break.

2004-04-23T13:13:00.000Z

In an effort to alter the "Related searches" part of the banner at the top of my page from "Thr*at Ca*cer" and "Strep thr*at" ,I am going to write Christina Aguilara 5 times ........don't the bastards think I'm paranoid enough? I only mentioned it in 1 post for gawds sake.Why not link to "slash" or "Bollocks"Or even "Crap Blog"?

Christina Aguilara
Christina Aguilara
Christina Aguilara
Christina Aguilara
Christina Aguilara

There I hope that'll sort it....tomorrow I will be mostly typing Britney Spears.

If it's changed you may think I'm lying but I'm not.....honest.

By the way how can Britney possibly beat Christina in the FHM sexiest poll?....it's a travesty.

Christina was wearing stockings ages ago.

Lobster is on the menu.

2004-04-21T20:29:00.002Z

I've just got out of the bath .. It was hot,very hot (I am dressed,you dirty cybersexers you!).

The Sulks

A bloke at work has not talked to me since bank holiday weekend.My crime was to work for 2 hours on a job which he was not allowed to work overtime on......as though our boss is going to say "Pop out for 2 hours on BH monday please mate".

This goes on a lot at our place,usually about O/T,I just don't get it why blokes of between 40 and 60 years old still feel the need to sulk like bloody 3 year olds,why cry over a few quid when they're on good money anyway?

He tried to talk to me today..........I blanked him.

I'm a petty sulky git.........Har,Har.

Dr Crap I presume?

2004-04-20T20:45:00.000Z

More rubbish from the local quack and friends.

Mam was going to come shopping with us but she can hardly walk due to sciatica caused primarily by the absolutely shite hip replacement that she was subjected to last year.

We were all expecting her to be walking around pretty well by now,but no,she's worse than before the Op.All they did was cut her up,bray a new hip in,stitch her up and tattybye Mrs B see you never.One leg is now 2 " longer than the other and she's in pain most of the time,bugger me she's only 63 for gods sakes!!No Physio for 4 months until she asked for it,If I were as bad at my job I'd be down the road no bother.

If she were one of those scumbag "Where there's blame,theres a claim" people she could take them to the cleaners.....in fact I wish she would.

I wonder if they'd leave their own mother in that state.........Mmmm,thats a hard one.

Problem is,as with Coppers,Teachers etc.People don't do jobs for the love of the profession any more just the cold hard cash and bollocks to those who pay their wages.

well,that's no good...

2004-04-20T20:06:00.000Z

I was off sick today and yesterday,yesterday was fine,I watched Kill Bill on DVD and chilled out.......today I was bored off and played counterstrike all afternoon which is all very well,but I was slightly concerned that at times I was wishing that I was at work.....Is this a sickness in itself!!??Is my life so boring that I need to work.

Aarrrrgghhh!

One good thing though,I've started to read John Irvings " A Prayer for Owen Meany" again....I haven't read it for about 15 years and I'd forgotten how absolutely brilliant it was..........

.....every cloud and all that.

Ugly,moi?

2004-04-18T17:48:00.001Z

Saw a girl down the town today,who,when at the Youth club 25 years ago wouldn't go out with me 'cos I was too ugly for her (her words).

What a dried out crone she's ended up,as haggard as buggery and looking a good 20 years older than her 42 years......christ don't I feel good,here I am still an ugly bugger but no worse than before and there she is a wizened old trollop.....how I smirk.

Even better,the serious girlfriends I've had since then were/are stunners in comparison.

Sometimes it's good to be a nasty vindictive bastard!!

Will they know what we're....

2004-04-03T23:14:00.000Z

.....on about.

The apes that is,Yep,we all nonchalantly talk about our new Sky+ boxes,Laptop PCs,NVidea graphics cards,Motability and whistling kettles but what if the apes find an old PC like in a "Planet of the Apes" scenario and read our blogs......they won't know what the f%$k we're on about,how inconsiderate of us,no wonder they'll feel the need to crush us like ants.

Time to light(en) up,and freak out.

2004-04-03T20:01:00.000Z

If you have broadband,light up and watch this weird shit (Nutgroist may have been involved...lol)....

Sky News is on the telly......I hate Tony Blair more than I did Thatcher........I'm a socialist so how in gods name did that happen?Whenever I see his smarmy face I feel utter disgust,they never promised us this wanker at the Durham miners gala!

I daren't really write about too much as I might be repeating better bloggers than myself ie birdman,Nutgroist etc (though I doubt it).......But I shall catch up on their blogs and get into the full swing of things again tomorrow so nighty night, and don't let the bed bugs bite,though they will as there's thousands of the little buggers in the cleanest of Sleepeeze mattresses,it's the bastard Hippopotamus that carries them.

While I was away...

2004-04-02T23:34:00.000Z

What a shitty couple of weeks I've had.

Well we'll go back to August 2001,on my bike felt like I had a lump in my throat,got worse over the weeks and I found it difficult to swallow.

Dr.R Rigby reckoned it was just an exceptionally sore thr*at.

Dr C Rigby (his wife)said I was a cancerphobe and was suffering mental problems. I'm naming the bastards ....so sue me!!

It got worse,could hardly get a yoghurt down so humouring me Dr C. Rigby sent me to see a specialist at the EENT in M'bro.

It was Obvious that the specialist had been primed by Rigby that she thought that I was a bit light in the head and after more patronising I was told that I was suffering from "Globus Hystericus" an imaginary lump in the throat....this was about Oct/Nov time.

I went to see Dr(?)C again and she asked if I wanted to take it further,after suffering another 5 minutes of arrogance I declined saying that as she already had me down as some kind of Hypochondriac I wouldn't bother.

By December I was past myself with worry,my mam suggested that I may have reflux and/or a Haitus Hernia so I changed tack and went to see another Doctor (a proper one this time),who immediately put me down for a Gastroscopy,citing my mams diagnosis as maybe not being far off the mark.

March 2002,I went for the Gastroscopy and discovered that I had Barratts Oesophogitis a disease of the foodpipe caused by acid reflux from the stomach burning the lining and making it think it is stomach lining then changing the cellular structure and possibly turning to the big C.( I can't write the full word it scares me shitless!!).

I now have to take Zoton everyday of my life and never a day goes by when I don't think about how my throat is feeling.

Last week was my third gastroscopy (I have to go for abiopsy yearly for the rest of my life),my throat was tight and I had a tickly cough that I couldn't help thinking was a major problem,before last week I lived in worryland until I got another years grace.

Dr Rigby and wife......I hate your guts,if you could have done a simple thing like diagnose a simple ailment like reflux I could've been on Zoton and the Barretts would not have developed.You are a bloody disgrace and I'd sue you if I thought you wouldn't fiddle the notes.

The incompetent twats have ruined every March for the rest of my life.

Anyway thats why I ain't been around!!.....I realise that some people have greater problems, but hey,each to their own eh.

Building bridges....I think not.

2004-03-09T19:36:00.000Z

There are new houses being built opposite ours.

We have been lied to from start to finish.

We live on a lovely terrace with sloping back gardens leading to fields,from which you can look back over our house and see the yorkshire moors.
The front of the house looks out onto what was wasteground but was excellent for the kids to play on.About 30 metres up the road you come to a small wooded valley with a small stream running through it.

The original plans were to build between 8 and 10 houses,cut down only 6 trees and leave the woods up the valley untouched.

Up to now he has hacked down about 15 trees,filled in part of the valley and is wanting to build an extra 8 houses,which would obviously result in further destruction.

Builders are by nature greedy lying bastards,but I would very much like to know how councils can give permission to these people then have the audacity to bleat on about the environment......Hypocritical twats.

We vote the buggers in then they roll over and have their bellys tickled by some fat money grubbing bastard.....and bollocks to us lot who pay their ...Ahem..."expenses"...corruption is alive and well in Northern local politics.

I banged my funnybone today for the first time in years....It's a feeling you should be reminded of from time to time......owww!

Darlo

2004-03-07T15:47:00.001Z

If you are are a lover of BK do not go to the Darlo version it is an absolute hole,it's obviously the meeting place for Darlos adolescent slag fraternity and their admirers......watching 13-15 year olds trying to look cool while smoking fags they obviously can't cope with is not a pleasurable experience when tucking into an XL bacon double cheeseburger.

If you go down in the woods today...

2004-03-06T15:45:00.001Z

In a bit of a morbid sort of mood for some reason today.

Running through the woods and out into open fields and heard a gunshot.Obviously a Farmer or something after crows,rabbits or whatever,but I couldn't get out of my mind what if?....

What if it was some nutter who fancied having a pot shot at Large(ish),balding runner ,then what would my last gasping words be and could I remember the number plate of the car parked in the lane to assist in the capture of the gunman?What if I was only "winged" and staggered on with loony in hot pursuit,me hiding in a ditch with only the skeletons of Wrens and shrews for company............waiting?

Citro....en R somet....hing.....H......som...ething..............n.

Bugger me,I thought exercise lightened your mood?

It did get better,took Els to see "Cheaper by the Dozen" Steve Martins new movie.Pretty good,very funny in parts,but as is the habit in these films (or Fillums if you are a bit daft and can't read) it tapered of into schmaltz.

Good line....SM,to the kids..."Chill or be chilled." I like that and i'm gonna use it.......with annoying regularity.

Posh HTML geeks.

2004-03-05T18:37:00.000Z

Just been browsing a load of other blogs,they are so bloody posh and well organised....I can't even get the bastard Blogging Brits thing right!!

Meet me on Counterstrike and I'll blow your brains out with my Bullpup Rifle..... Grrrr.Even though I'm pretty crap at that I'll bleed all over your poshest Oxfam coat.

I am going to study HTML now or maybe pinch a template from somewhere.

Supermarket s weep

2004-03-05T13:44:00.001Z

Just back from shopping at Morrisons.

Idea for all supermarkets: Put Crisps,bread,eggs,Ryvita,Grapes,tomatoes,Pizza bases etc in the last aisle.Just so they don't get crushed,smashed or otherwise morphed by Tins of Barbie Spaghetti shapes,bottles of Pop,frozen turkey dinosaurs,12 pack Ski yoghurts etc,I'm sick of it.

Still waiting for the quotes for the Kitchen/bathroom.

If they don't get their arses into gear I will be making an expensive,impulsive new Mountain bike purchase.....then we'll all be buggered

Fats just not good enough.

2004-03-04T13:56:00.000Z

McDonalds have stopped sales of their supersize meals to aid in the war against obesity.

WHAT!! I was so looking forward to seeing hordes of super fat people waddling around blaming their genes for being unsightly porkers a la USA......Ok I know that my taxes may go up a bit to pay for extra NHS services,but honestly for the price of a Sunday paper each week the entertainment factor would be collossal!!!

When I go out running I (being a stone or 2 overweight myself) get the piss ripped out of me by kids,so why should I be denied this childish glee?

A diet for fatties....eat slightly less,exercise slightly more,consume 1 or 2 less calories a day than you use and Bobs your fatter than you uncle.

That should make me a million...then I can die a big fat happy 18st lardarse like mr Atkins.

I dream of Jeanie with the Japanese stare.

2004-03-03T17:27:00.001Z

Sometimes I work nightshifts,my brain won't f unction pr operly.

My fifth day and I have writers block......I will tell you of a dream I had the other week.

I am on a conveyor belt made of slippy sheet metal,going up at 45 degrees,I have a machine gun which fires hardcore (the type builders use not Porn!(though that would've been better)).

There are 3 Japanese army men also armed at the bottom of the belt,a whistle goes,I blast them with Hardcore and they all start pulling their pud.....no not really.I blast them and have to run up the conveyor to escape their wrath,now bloody great beams like on the ceilings of old pubs start lowering down so I have to keep ducking lower and lower,I squeeze under the last one,scraping my back (ooh that smarts) and thats it!!

So what does that say about me?

What am I trying to escape from?...I don't know any of the Japanese forces except the ones in John Waynes "Sands of Iwo Jima".And certainly not Pubs!!Particularly not the magnificent Lion Inn on Blakey Moor,North yorkshire....Though their beams are rather low.

Sometimes nightshifts ain't so bad.

A calendar is not just for Christmas.

2004-03-03T14:14:00.000Z

If I were to pose for one of those workplace charity nude calendars,I would want to be January or February.

The cold would be the perfect explanation for my small knob.

It's just snot funny.

2004-03-02T18:22:00.000Z

I hate most kids between 8 and 16 in my town.Gangs of the little bastards roam the streets intimidating,vandalising and generally fucking the place up.

I'd be quite willing to give them the keys to my car,rather than have it nicked,if only they would wrap themselves round a lampost and not live to tell the tale.

They are ill mannered,nasty,thick as pigshit,and have been dragged up by total arseholes who were shipped into this area to fill the oversized council estate that the pre Thatcher Labour government chose to inflict on this peaceful market town.325 houses they built in a town which needed possibly 50-100 council houses,
I know this beause I lived in one for 12 years with my mam and sister.All people in the first phase of this diabolical scheme were local families.Then they moved all the dregs from Middlesbrough and its surrounding areas who were problem families in their respective areas to fill the remainder of these rabbit hutches,locally known as "Colditz".

We are now suffering the 2nd and 3rd generations(probably 4th as the bastards breed so quickly)of this fashionable "underclass".

I hope that whoever was on the planning commitee to build this estate is now dead or dying.......you have destroyed a town which goes back to the Domesday book and I fucking hate you.

Rant over....for now.

Todays lighter note...the bloke who is coming to do some plastering for us is called Geoff Mucus......Excellent

I was blind but now Icy.

2004-03-01T14:20:00.001Z

Re:Big stomach.
I went out for a run this morning,( At this point I must say that I'm an Ex(ish)-triathlete and ex 2:45 marathon runner) it's still very Icy and while running through the woods I did a cartoon fall ie feet slipped away ,hovering horizontally in mid air ,then Bang like a bag of proverbial shite!!

An old bloke walking his dog feigned sympathy while probably pissing himself(possibly literally)laughing....he was the only person I saw in the woods that morning.

I had an eye test this morning,according to the optician I'm OK for a while.thank god for that,bald blokes look daft in glasses.

Then continued the fruitless search for a bathroom...oh what fun.

Re Title..I was blind but now Icy.....I should have a job at The Sun with headlines like that.....Sheer brilliance....Har,Har.

128 years..it just had to happen...bugger!

2004-02-29T21:18:00.000Z

Middlesbrough won a trophy today,this probably in the season we (Leeds United) go down.
Work is hard enough as it is without smug gits who haven't seen the inside of a football stadium for years,taking the piss.
Coming back from the Leeds- Liverpool (2-2)game the tit announcing the latest scores on Radio Aire said that Bolton were winning,we turned on Five Live only to hear Boros 2nd goal,a dubious penalty.The game ended 2-1 and means that I have to avoid all local press for weeks......the sad success starved smoggies will no doubt be anticipating Champions League glory within 2 seasons now that they've won a 2nd rate cup.....Bastards.

We're still bottom.

On a brighter note I did my first ever Handbrake turn today (on snow might I add),I now walk with my chest puffed out with pride,slightly behind my stomach.

Snow Joke

2004-02-28T17:45:00.001Z

Go steady love ....It's my first time

2004-02-27T19:36:00.000Z

Oooh....my first Blog. Yesterday there were 3 people made redundant at our place,today no one misses them,...One was an Electrician who wouldn't do anything electrical as he wasn't "an electrician,he's an Electrical Engineer".He sat in his office and rang up "Electricians" to come and do work at extortionate prices.

Another was a Programmer who didn't program as the idiot had taught everyone everything he knows,which frankly wasn't much,therefore making his job....(you've guessed it)...Redundant!! He's a born again christian so I suppose he'll be OK?

The third was an elderly Teddy Boy who though a thoroughly nice chap spent his day calling people "Honey" and combing his admirable DA.

There are worse people than these still at the Company.No wonder we're struggling!

Oh and a girl in the office cut her working week down to 4 days....I suppose every little helps.