Building bridges....I think not.

There are new houses being built opposite ours.

We have been lied to from start to finish.

We live on a lovely terrace with sloping back gardens leading to fields,from which you can look back over our house and see the yorkshire moors.
The front of the house looks out onto what was wasteground but was excellent for the kids to play on.About 30 metres up the road you come to a small wooded valley with a small stream running through it.

The original plans were to build between 8 and 10 houses,cut down only 6 trees and leave the woods up the valley untouched.

Up to now he has hacked down about 15 trees,filled in part of the valley and is wanting to build an extra 8 houses,which would obviously result in further destruction.

Builders are by nature greedy lying bastards,but I would very much like to know how councils can give permission to these people then have the audacity to bleat on about the environment......Hypocritical twats.

We vote the buggers in then they roll over and have their bellys tickled by some fat money grubbing bastard.....and bollocks to us lot who pay their ...Ahem..."expenses"...corruption is alive and well in Northern local politics.

I banged my funnybone today for the first time in years....It's a feeling you should be reminded of from time to time......owww!

Darlo

If you are are a lover of BK do not go to the Darlo version it is an absolute hole,it's obviously the meeting place for Darlos adolescent slag fraternity and their admirers......watching 13-15 year olds trying to look cool while smoking fags they obviously can't cope with is not a pleasurable experience when tucking into an XL bacon double cheeseburger.

If you go down in the woods today...

In a bit of a morbid sort of mood for some reason today.

Running through the woods and out into open fields and heard a gunshot.Obviously a Farmer or something after crows,rabbits or whatever,but I couldn't get out of my mind what if?....

What if it was some nutter who fancied having a pot shot at Large(ish),balding runner ,then what would my last gasping words be and could I remember the number plate of the car parked in the lane to assist in the capture of the gunman?What if I was only "winged" and staggered on with loony in hot pursuit,me hiding in a ditch with only the skeletons of Wrens and shrews for company............waiting?

Citro....en R somet....hing.....H......som...ething..............n.

Bugger me,I thought exercise lightened your mood?

It did get better,took Els to see "Cheaper by the Dozen" Steve Martins new movie.Pretty good,very funny in parts,but as is the habit in these films (or Fillums if you are a bit daft and can't read) it tapered of into schmaltz.

Good line....SM,to the kids..."Chill or be chilled." I like that and i'm gonna use it.......with annoying regularity.

Posh HTML geeks.

Just been browsing a load of other blogs,they are so bloody posh and well organised....I can't even get the bastard Blogging Brits thing right!!

Meet me on Counterstrike and I'll blow your brains out with my Bullpup Rifle..... Grrrr.Even though I'm pretty crap at that I'll bleed all over your poshest Oxfam coat.

I am going to study HTML now or maybe pinch a template from somewhere.

Supermarket s weep

Just back from shopping at Morrisons.

Idea for all supermarkets: Put Crisps,bread,eggs,Ryvita,Grapes,tomatoes,Pizza bases etc in the last aisle.Just so they don't get crushed,smashed or otherwise morphed by Tins of Barbie Spaghetti shapes,bottles of Pop,frozen turkey dinosaurs,12 pack Ski yoghurts etc,I'm sick of it.


Still waiting for the quotes for the Kitchen/bathroom.

If they don't get their arses into gear I will be making an expensive,impulsive new Mountain bike purchase.....then we'll all be buggered

Fats just not good enough.

McDonalds have stopped sales of their supersize meals to aid in the war against obesity.

WHAT!! I was so looking forward to seeing hordes of super fat people waddling around blaming their genes for being unsightly porkers a la USA......Ok I know that my taxes may go up a bit to pay for extra NHS services,but honestly for the price of a Sunday paper each week the entertainment factor would be collossal!!!

When I go out running I (being a stone or 2 overweight myself) get the piss ripped out of me by kids,so why should I be denied this childish glee?

A diet for fatties....eat slightly less,exercise slightly more,consume 1 or 2 less calories a day than you use and Bobs your fatter than you uncle.

That should make me a million...then I can die a big fat happy 18st lardarse like mr Atkins.

I dream of Jeanie with the Japanese stare.

Sometimes I work nightshifts,my brain won't f unction pr operly.

My fifth day and I have writers block......I will tell you of a dream I had the other week.

I am on a conveyor belt made of slippy sheet metal,going up at 45 degrees,I have a machine gun which fires hardcore (the type builders use not Porn!(though that would've been better)).

There are 3 Japanese army men also armed at the bottom of the belt,a whistle goes,I blast them with Hardcore and they all start pulling their pud.....no not really.I blast them and have to run up the conveyor to escape their wrath,now bloody great beams like on the ceilings of old pubs start lowering down so I have to keep ducking lower and lower,I squeeze under the last one,scraping my back (ooh that smarts) and thats it!!

So what does that say about me?

What am I trying to escape from?...I don't know any of the Japanese forces except the ones in John Waynes "Sands of Iwo Jima".And certainly not Pubs!!Particularly not the magnificent Lion Inn on Blakey Moor,North yorkshire....Though their beams are rather low.


Sometimes nightshifts ain't so bad.

A calendar is not just for Christmas.

If I were to pose for one of those workplace charity nude calendars,I would want to be January or February.

The cold would be the perfect explanation for my small knob.

It's just snot funny.

I hate most kids between 8 and 16 in my town.Gangs of the little bastards roam the streets intimidating,vandalising and generally fucking the place up.

I'd be quite willing to give them the keys to my car,rather than have it nicked,if only they would wrap themselves round a lampost and not live to tell the tale.

They are ill mannered,nasty,thick as pigshit,and have been dragged up by total arseholes who were shipped into this area to fill the oversized council estate that the pre Thatcher Labour government chose to inflict on this peaceful market town.325 houses they built in a town which needed possibly 50-100 council houses,
I know this beause I lived in one for 12 years with my mam and sister.All people in the first phase of this diabolical scheme were local families.Then they moved all the dregs from Middlesbrough and its surrounding areas who were problem families in their respective areas to fill the remainder of these rabbit hutches,locally known as "Colditz".

We are now suffering the 2nd and 3rd generations(probably 4th as the bastards breed so quickly)of this fashionable "underclass".

I hope that whoever was on the planning commitee to build this estate is now dead or dying.......you have destroyed a town which goes back to the Domesday book and I fucking hate you.

Rant over....for now.

Todays lighter note...the bloke who is coming to do some plastering for us is called Geoff Mucus......Excellent

I was blind but now Icy.

Re:Big stomach.
I went out for a run this morning,( At this point I must say that I'm an Ex(ish)-triathlete and ex 2:45 marathon runner) it's still very Icy and while running through the woods I did a cartoon fall ie feet slipped away ,hovering horizontally in mid air ,then Bang like a bag of proverbial shite!!

An old bloke walking his dog feigned sympathy while probably pissing himself(possibly literally)laughing....he was the only person I saw in the woods that morning.

I had an eye test this morning,according to the optician I'm OK for a while.thank god for that,bald blokes look daft in glasses.

Then continued the fruitless search for a bathroom...oh what fun.

Re Title..I was blind but now Icy.....I should have a job at The Sun with headlines like that.....Sheer brilliance....Har,Har.